Alex Malley on Clarke and Dawe

[2Pot Screama]

The great late John Clarke would have loved to parody this crazy situation. Unfortunately he's not around to do it, so I've given it a go:




DAWE: CPA Australia CEO Alex Malley, good evening

MALLEY: Good evening Bryan

DAWE: What on earth is happening at CPA Australia?

MALLEY: Well things have never been better Bryan. We’ve been working around the clock to make sure that we are continually growing and improving our product. We are in a constantly revolving stakeholder feedback loop so we can keep our finger on the pulse of what they want. Ratings have never been better and....

DAWE: Hang on, what do you mean “ratings”?

MALLEY: The ratings Bryan

DAWE: What ratings?

MALLEY: The TV ratings Bryan. You know, the thing we are on now (gestures at the camera)

DAWE: Are you talking about your TV show?

MALLEY: Yes Bryan! I’m glad you brought it up - In Conversation with Alex Malley. 10.30am every Saturday morning on the 9 Network. Also available for download from…

DAWE: Hang on, hang on. A lot of people have been questioning what value your television program where you interview people like Nadia Comaneci and Henry Winkler provides to accountants…

MALLEY: Well it’s about leadership Bryan. Malleys are leaders in their field…

DAWE: “Malleys”?

MALLEY: CPAs Bryan

DAWE: You said “Malleys”?

MALLEY: I said CPAs Bryan. You really should work on your listening skills - it will help you live a bigger life. We’re leaders Bryan and that‘s what I am doing. Leading in my timeslot’s ratings in 3 states

DAWE: Are CPA members paying for your television program?

MALLEY: Who?

DAWE: CPA members. The members of the organisation you are CEO of

MALLEY: Ah yes, of course. Well they are accountants right? Why don’t you ask them?

DAWE: They say they are and many of them are apparently not happy about it

MALLEY: Well that just can’t be right Bryan. I mean they are accountants. There’s no way they would be paying for something that they don’t want to pay for. They wouldn’t be very good accountants if that were the case and Malleys are the best

DAWE: You just said “Malleys” again

MALLEY: You’re being silly Bryan. I said CPAs. (Leans in and starts talking quietly) But seriously, I’m thinking about changing the designation. What do you think?

DAWE: Let’s move on. CPA members have said there are corporate governance issues under your regime

MALLEY: Bryan, corporate governance is boring. Accountants are not interested in corporate governance. They want some vision. They want to dream big! They want Neil Armstrong Bryan! Accountants want to walk on the moon!

DAWE: Why have so many directors of CPA Australia resigned in the last week?

MALLEY: Bryan, I run a LinkedIn mentoring program and they simply wanted to put some of the LinkedIn wisdom that I have been passing on into practice. I’m an official Linkedin Influencer Bryan. No one influences LinkedIn like I do

DAWE: A review has been announced into your management of the organization to be overseen by two people who have previously endorsed you, one is even featured in your book. How can you claim this review will be independent?

MALLEY: Of course it will be Bryan. You can’t have people who don’t know you reviewing your performance. How else would they know which one you are when they are doing the review? Also you’d probably have to pay someone to come in from outside to do that. CPA members don’t want their money wasted Bryan

DAWE: Why did you suddenly move the CPA Annual General Meeting to Singapore?

MALLEY: What’s wrong with Singapore? Singapore is lovely at this time of the year. Great for your tan. You look like you could use some sun. You’re not racist are you Bryan? You can’t be like that these days…

DAWE: We’re out of time. Alex Malley, thanks for coming in

MALLEY: Would you like a copy of my book? I’ve already autographed it for you

[Heisenberg]

Brilliant!

[slaa4044]

Fabulous! I could picture them as I read through this .....

[The Nude CPA]

Clapping.gif (1.77 MiB) Viewed 4102 times

[Sunkcost]

[passedfc]

brilliant...

[chuck_meister]

I absolutely can picture this in my mind. .

[sjc431]

The great late John Clarke would have loved to parody this crazy situation. Unfortunately he's not around to do it, so I've given it a go:




DAWE: CPA Australia CEO Alex Malley, good evening

MALLEY: Good evening Bryan

DAWE: What on earth is happening at CPA Australia?

MALLEY: Well things have never been better Bryan. We’ve been working around the clock to make sure that we are continually growing and improving our product. We are in a constantly revolving stakeholder feedback loop so we can keep our finger on the pulse of what they want. Ratings have never been better and....

DAWE: Hang on, what do you mean “ratings”?

MALLEY: The ratings Bryan

DAWE: What ratings?

MALLEY: The TV ratings Bryan. You know, the thing we are on now (gestures at the camera)

DAWE: Are you talking about your TV show?

MALLEY: Yes Bryan! I’m glad you brought it up - In Conversation with Alex Malley. 10.30am every Saturday morning on the 9 Network. Also available for download from…

DAWE: Hang on, hang on. A lot of people have been questioning what value your television program where you interview people like Nadia Comaneci and Henry Winkler provides to accountants…

MALLEY: Well it’s about leadership Bryan. Malleys are leaders in their field…

DAWE: “Malleys”?

MALLEY: CPAs Bryan

DAWE: You said “Malleys”?

MALLEY: I said CPAs Bryan. You really should work on your listening skills - it will help you live a bigger life. We’re leaders Bryan and that‘s what I am doing. Leading in my timeslot’s ratings in 3 states

DAWE: Are CPA members paying for your television program?

MALLEY: Who?

DAWE: CPA members. The members of the organisation you are CEO of

MALLEY: Ah yes, of course. Well they are accountants right? Why don’t you ask them?

DAWE: They say they are and many of them are apparently not happy about it

MALLEY: Well that just can’t be right Bryan. I mean they are accountants. There’s no way they would be paying for something that they don’t want to pay for. They wouldn’t be very good accountants if that were the case and Malleys are the best

DAWE: You just said “Malleys” again

MALLEY: You’re being silly Bryan. I said CPAs. (Leans in and starts talking quietly) But seriously, I’m thinking about changing the designation. What do you think?

DAWE: Let’s move on. CPA members have said there are corporate governance issues under your regime

MALLEY: Bryan, corporate governance is boring. Accountants are not interested in corporate governance. They want some vision. They want to dream big! They want Neil Armstrong Bryan! Accountants want to walk on the moon!

DAWE: Why have so many directors of CPA Australia resigned in the last week?

MALLEY: Bryan, I run a LinkedIn mentoring program and they simply wanted to put some of the LinkedIn wisdom that I have been passing on into practice. I’m an official Linkedin Influencer Bryan. No one influences LinkedIn like I do

DAWE: A review has been announced into your management of the organization to be overseen by two people who have previously endorsed you, one is even featured in your book. How can you claim this review will be independent?

MALLEY: Of course it will be Bryan. You can’t have people who don’t know you reviewing your performance. How else would they know which one you are when they are doing the review? Also you’d probably have to pay someone to come in from outside to do that. CPA members don’t want their money wasted Bryan

DAWE: Why did you suddenly move the CPA Annual General Meeting to Singapore?

MALLEY: What’s wrong with Singapore? Singapore is lovely at this time of the year. Great for your tan. You look like you could use some sun. You’re not racist are you Bryan? You can’t be like that these days…

DAWE: We’re out of time. Alex Malley, thanks for coming in

MALLEY: Would you like a copy of my book? I’ve already autographed it for you

Tremendous effort!

[Not_A_CPA]

I read that entire script imagining their voices. Absolutely brilliant!!!!!!! Gold star for you my friend.

[theallseeingeye]

Bravo , 2PotScreama ! right on the money

[BrandIntegrity]

Fantastic! Laughed out loud, thank you!

[Terissa01]

Absolutely hilarious

[JWheldon]

Now, what would Alex Malley have to say if on Clarke and Dawe again???

Maybe Alex Malley will interview himself this time.

Alex Malley:- I did what the board told me and there were only a small number of complaints and the book was a great success.

Maybe Alex Malley will host his ownTV show, where is plays all the characters and call it CPA Australia, because he just can't get enough of seeing himself on TV. Maybe he will sell the idea to the ABC, just like Series creator and writer Chris Lilley who portrays three characters -- high-strung drama teacher Mr. G., exchange student Ja'mie and break-dancing delinquent Jonah -- in this comic send-up of a high school documentary series, filmed at a real high school and populated by a combination of actors as well as real students and faculty members.

[The Nude CPA]

Maybe Alex Malley will host his ownTV show, where is plays all the characters and call it CPA Australia, because he just can't get enough of seeing himself on TV. Maybe he will sell the idea to the ABC...

I think the only way this will happen is if he can find another organisation stupid enough to bankroll it, the way CPA Australia did.

[chuck_meister]

You reminded me of the Eddy Murphy movie, the Nutty Professor, where he indeed plays multiple characters. Though I don't think he can keep a straight face negotiating his own employment contract.

[JWheldon]

So what would Alex Malley say if he was on Current Affair with Tracy Grimshaw. Maybe he would trying to sell his new book.